The Background …

(A leukemia diagnosis the summer before Kimberly’s sophomore year in high school led to a series of aggressive medical treatments. She participated in an experimental CAR T-cell trial at Stanford University in California that achieved partial success. Eventually she received a bone marrow transplant in Denver in 2018. She spent 70 consecutive days in the hospital to recover. Subsequent tests showed no evidence of cancer cells. Kimberly graduated from her Montana high school in early June. She now studies at the university toward her goal of becoming a nurse. She wrote the following poem for her high school English class. Kimberly is our granddaughter, our oldest daughter’s daughter, the third oldest of seven grandkids.— Kevin S. Giles)

From Kimberly: “These beads, called ‘Beads of Courage,’ are a physical representation of my journey as a cancer patient and a bone marrow transplant recipient. Each bead stands for a different procedure, occurrence, or action while I went through treatment and recovery. For example, black beads represent needle pokes, red beads represent blood transfusions, and yellow beads represent overnight hospital stays. There are hundreds of beads on this string. It stretches over 20 feet long.”

By Kimberly Peacock

1.
time holds no significance
surrounded by people
you are dying
falling
flying through clouds of
oblivion
seeing is believing (1)
isn’t it?

2.
watch your life climb and fall
anxiously fragile
jolting awake at every bump (2)
there’s a snake on your arm (3)
squeezing
resting
you are too warm
too cold
too late.

3.
alone
but never alone (4)
no power
no control
sinking
the fountain of youth is
drowning you.

4.
inhale hope
exhale fear
an infinite cycle
mortality
youth
fate.

5.
you are a prisoner of the present
yearning for a future
that may not belong to you (5)
uncertainty
a graduation
a wedding day
a family.

6.
You aren’t getting better (6)
plunged into doubt
suffocating in optimism
eyes are dry
mouth is dry
everything —
dry.

7.
God is with you
Everything happens for a reason
Praying for you
You are strong
You will beat this
nod and say thanks
you aren’t pleased with God
right now.

8.
you are hooked
drunk on the possibilities (7)
you could have a life
but
you will never be normal
what will you do to rekindle
your insignificant
precious
existence?

9.
awake
asleep
awake again (8)
covered in holes
ready
to change your life
ready
to move on
life is what you make it ‒-
Eleanor Roosevelt
said so.

10.
it’s over in ten minutes
leaving only hope
silent promises
and the faint tingle
of creamed corn. (9)

From Kimberly: “My graduation cap was painted by my best friend to honor my unusual high school experience. I earned the nickname ‘Lionheart’ when I was diagnosed with leukemia in July of 2017 following my freshman year of high school. My friend decorated my cap with my nickname, the leukemia cancer ribbon, and my favorite flowers. I start school as a Pre-Nursing major at the University of Montana in August 2020. My best friend has started her journey at the United States Naval Academy in Annapolis, Maryland to become a pilot.”

Footnotes

1. “Patients use denial when the truth is too painful to bear.” (Maguire & Faulkner, 1988, p. 3).

2. “Turbulence noun: strong, uneven currents in air or water.” (Cambridge English Dictionary).

3. “An essential part of measuring a blood pressure is the compression of the artery so that no blood flows through.” (“The Blood Pressure Cuff”).

4. “Nighttime can be a very difficult time for patients. Visitors have gone home…. Many patients cannot sleep, or are awakened at night for tests, medicines or vital signs.” (“The Hospital Routine and You”).

5. “Although cancer in children is rare, it is the leading cause of death by disease past infancy among children in the United States. In 2017, it is estimated that …1,790 will die of the disease in the United States.” (“Cancer in Children and Adolescents”).

6. “Chemotherapy works by interfering with the ability of cancer cells to divide and duplicate themselves…. Often a combination of drugs will be used, with each medicine attacking the cancer cells in a special way. This decreases the chances that cancer cells will survive, become resistant and continue to grow.” (“Chemotherapy in Children”).

More footnotes

7. “The [CAR T] therapy requires drawing blood from patients and separating out the T cells. Next, using a disarmed virus, the T cells are genetically engineered to produce receptors on their surface…. These special receptors allow the T cells to recognize and attach to a specific protein … on tumor cells…. The final step is the infusion of the CAR T cells into the patient… If all goes as planned, the engineered cells … recognize and kill cancer cells that harbor the antigen [protein] on their surfaces.” (“Car T Cells: Engineering Immune Cells to Treat Cancer”).

8. “Propofol is used as an ‘induction agent’— the drug that causes loss of consciousness — for general anesthesia in major surgery. In lower doses it is also used for ‘conscious sedation’ of patients getting procedures on an outpatient basis at ambulatory surgery centers.” (Wehrwein, 2011).

9. “Nurses … have reported that some patients notice an unpleasant smell or taste in accordance with flushing of intravenous lines.” (Kongsgaard, Andersen, Øien, Oswald, & Bruun, 2010).

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